Why I homeschool my son with autism

Have you ever thought of homeschooling your autistic child but held back because you aren’t sure if you can do it? or you are worried that you do it wrong? or you are concerned with socialization – fear of missing out on the opportunity to make friends or learn from his or her neurotypical peers?

If this sounds like you, I want to tell you that you are not alone. Making the leap from public school to homeschooling is a big step, especially when you’ve never grown up in a homeschool environment, let alone educated someone on the spectrum. The feeling of unequiped is always there.

In this blog, I want to share my story of homeschooling my son.

I’ve always wanted to homeschool my children. This intention started even before I learned that my children have autism. I was a former flight attendant. I saw the benefits of children whose parents took them traveling. While this may not apply to all, most that I’ve seen, in particular, the hands-on parents – their children have a higher level of self-confidence, are more humble, and understand the meaning of gratitude at such a young age.

So, I dreamed of showing my children the world at a young age. There is so much to see and learn outside the classroom and I want them to have this opportunity to learn a global classroom.

But this idea and many more were tossed out of the window because my children have autism, and they needed the structure and routine to learn. So I took them traveling during school breaks.

Covid-19 2020

When the world shut down due to COVID-19 2020, I had a taste of what it is like to “homeschool” my children. In the truest honesty, learning online during the pandemic is not homeschooling. My children were still receiving instructions via Zoom from the school district from their teachers at school.

I had a taste of what it is like to have both kids learning from home online. Personally, I didn’t think that was a suitable format for my children to receive education. My children were easily distracted and couldn’t sit still. It was hard for me to redirect them to their lesson because when I did so, my children would miss out on the teacher’s instructions.

Despite the challenges, our relationship improved. My oldest son, who was less expressive, started to share more about himself. We built more connections – something I didn’t get to establish since they started school. So I felt relief and sad when it was time for them to return to campus. On the one hand, I wanted my free time, but on the other, I was burnt out – having to do so many things on my own.

Return to School

My children struggled when they returned to regular school. They engaged in a lot of aggressive behaviors. I had to admit my oldest son into residential treatment, while the youngest I decided to put him into homeschool. The process of getting one-on-one adult support for my youngest was too long. In the meantime, he started to hate school and his circles of friends shrank from five to zero.

It was heartbreaking to see how it fell apart. But in retrospect, I think they happened because my children had reached new developmental milestones. They needed new sets of skills to cope with this demand.

How I felt about leaving public school.

Sad. I didn’t realize how much that hit me until after we left. It was painful, and there was a lot of resentment. I took my son to Europe to heal our wounds. We felt better after that trip and were ready to start fresh as a homeschooler family.

My oldest continues to be in public school. He seemed to be doing well, so I left it as is.

To homeschool or not

If any parents wish to homeschool their autistic child, my suggestion is first to seek an advocate’s advice. The school district has a lot of services that your child can access if they have an IEP. An educational advocate is the best person to give you advice and recommendations based on your child’s needs.

Seeking legal help – is the route to go when all diplomacy didn’t go through as well as the severity of the harm caused to your child with an IEP. You may still need an Education Advocate’s help, but I would turn to them only after all failed attempts. Be clear about what you want and have all the necessary documentation ready.

You have to check your state or country regulations about homeschooling your child with an IEP. I homeschool my son through a charter school because I still need guidance, some level of accountability and have access to state funding. Not all charter school will provide you the funding as they are providing all the curriculum and resources to educate your child.

You don’t need to have a teacher’s credentials to homeschool your child. This was a challenge for me because English is not my native langauage. I want my son to have a good foundation in English. Fortunately, the charter school that my son is in, offers classes for him to work on his Langauge Arts.

I highly recommend that you have some training to communicate with your autistic child. This can really improve their motivation to complete their school work and to seek co-operation. You can receive this training from IBECES, or from your child ABA agency (if your child is receiving home ABA services). Other program worth considering is The Hanen Program, Social Skills and PCIT and NLP.

Most homeschool mom I know still have a job. You can work if you can manage your time well. As for me, I decided to be an affiliate marketer as this allows me to work when my children are sleeping. The income is inconsistent and the start out is slow. But in a grand scheme of things, I love the nature of this business because I am not trading time for money.

To homeschool or not homeschool – this is a tough decision. I am not an expert, and I can only share my experience.

My Story

I homeschool my youngest son because I wasn’t pleased with the IEP offered to him. He could have a better plan, but I wasn’t sure of his challenges; hence, I wasn’t able to advocate for his academic needs.

I spend a lot of time learning about Autism and my son’s needs. In one of my searches, I ran into an article about a mom who decided to homeschool her child because she was tired of going to IEP meetings. I could relate to her story because that was how I felt. So I took her courage and left public school and did it on my own.

My son wasn’t learning. He spent more time engaging in behaviors while I advocated for IEP services.

The situation worsened when my son started to lie, hated school, and had nightmares as a result of the behaviors he engaged in at school.

As soon as the school year ended, I took him out of public school. He went to a charter school that offered socialization with peers once a week, IEP services, and learning at home for the remaining time. That didn’t turn out as well because my son could not meet the academic demands. It was too much for him, and hence, he engaged in protest and aggression—at home and at school.

So, I moved him to a different type of homeschool program, where I could choose a curriculum that suited his learning style. I also removed IEP services because my son took a long time to complete his school work.

It was the scariest decision, but it turned out well. We got more done and there is less behaviors during study time.

How I feel about homeschooling

It’s been slightly more than a year since I started this journey of homeschooling my son. There is still a lot to learn. But I am glad I followed my gut and did what was best for my son.

Homeschooling means letting go of traditional school culture—getting up early to go to school, studying five days a week for four to six hours per day, etc. It felt funny when I could teach my son three days a week instead of five. It also felt weird when we could finish two weeks of school projects in one day. I felt sad at first when my son had no one to hang out with. But I had to remind myself that true friendship comes from shared interests, not school. The school creates the opportunity to make friends, but if my son is not equipped with the skills to make and keep friends, he will continue to struggle in social settings.

Being in a school that understands what my child needs has given me confidence and courage. Putting my son into therapy such as PCIT, ABA, Speech and Counseling made me feel more equipped to teach even though English is not my native language and I don’t have teaching credentials.

I really enjoy homeschooling my son. I love it so much that I have trouble letting it go. My son wants to go back to school. I will respect his wish and am working to give him the skills to assimilate back into school culture. He may need another year or two. and we are working towards it.